Do it! Says Mariella. Keep it simple, keep it brief, write it from the heart
The dilemma Three years ago, I split up with my girlfriend of seven years. I felt very unhappy and put it down to the relationship. She was devastated and wanted to resolve things. But by that stage I’d made my mind up. I’ve lived a quiet, celibate life since, which has given me time to reflect. It struck me that I’d been very selfish – after an initial romantic period where I pulled all manner of stunts to impress her, my effort as a boyfriend tapered down to the bare minimum. Secondly, I realised they had been the best days of my life. We went on amazing adventures which we probably wouldn’t have done otherwise, and had very different skills sets, which complemented each other. After we split up, I made little effort to maintain our friendship, maybe because I felt guilty. Now I’m ashamed of how I treated her and can’t forgive myself. I want to write and apologise, but it sounds weird and inappropriate. It’s hard to write without it sounding like a rapprochement, which it isn’t. Is writing such a letter an appropriate thing to do? read more
Christina Patterson used to be ashamed about being single, but after hearing others’ stories, that feeling has gone
For most of my adult life, I have been ashamed of being single. At weddings, I have felt my smile crack. I once walked out of a friend’s book launch when he gave a speech about finding the love of his life. I felt sick with envy, physically sick. But when I got home, what I felt most of all was shame. I didn’t understand why my friends had managed to succeed in an area where I had so spectacularly failed. read more
Jonathan Rauch, author of The Happiness Curve, was relieved to find an explanation for his gloom – academics say adulthood happiness is U-shaped
When Jonathan Rauch fell into the doldrums in his 40s, he had no idea why. Life was good: he had a successful career, a solid relationship, good health and sound finances. Then he learnt about the happiness curve and it all became clear. read more
Dress from a charity shop, no cake and a midweek ceremony – but don’t think my second wedding is a joke
We arrived, my betrothed and I, at the register office to give notification of our marriage. It was the last possible moment we could have done it, because my divorce took so long to come through and his was so long ago that he’d lost the piece of paper. It was also the emergency walk-in morning, so everyone else needed an urgent death certificate, or was a too-old baby who’d missed the registration deadline. Tensions were high and everyone seemed on the point of tears, because they were bereaved, or they were seven weeks old. read more
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