We need to take responsibilty for our mistakes in choosing our partner rather than simply justifying it to ourselves
I have been reading Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, a book about cognitive dissonance – the phenomenon that arises, with uncomfortable feelings, when two deeply held internal points of view come into conflict with one another. To avoid such feelings, we resort to self-justification. read more
The 62-year-old post-menopausal woman
Since 2010, my sex life has been 3D, retro and virtual. It involves Davy Jones of the Monkees, David Essex and David Cassidy, all as they were between 1971 and 1975. They arrive in my head, resplendent in flares and tank tops, gazing out through smoky, heavily lashed eyes and whispering in deep, dark tones that can only be detected by the ear of a teenage girl. read more
Every day millions of internet users ask Google life’s most difficult questions, big and small. Our writers answer some of the commonest queries
Confession: I’ve watched porn on the job. So many times I’ve lost count, in fact. But then that was when I was writing an erotic memoir and reporting on the adult industry in LA as a freelance journalist. In fact, I’m probably one of the only people I know who can justify having watched adult content on what was technically a work web browser.
Turns out I’m not the only one. According to a survey published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior last year, just over 20% of American men admit to having looked at porn at work, albeit the majority doing so on a personal tablet or device – only 5% admitting to using the work computer. read more
From Netflix’s She’s Gotta Have It reboot, to the taboo-busting The Girlfriend Experience, programme-makers are pushing the boundaries of TV sex – and increasingly, it’s female writers and directors who are calling the shots
Late in the first season of The Deuce, David Simon and George Pelecanos’s brilliant drama about the sex trade in early-70s New York, Eileen (Maggie Gyllenhaal) has a career change. She begins the series fully immersed in “the life” on the streets, but turns to commercial pornography as it begins to arrive in the United States. During one particularly dreary porn shoot, she takes over from the director, Harvey, who is as weary as the performers about the lackadaisical scene happening in front of him. read more
I don’t want sex with a man who makes me feel guilty or ashamed at not wanting him
I am really frustrated with my husband. He is irritable, disengaged and sulky. When I ask what’s wrong, he replies “nothing”, but then later attacks me about how he would be in a much better mood if we had sex more. But I don’t want to have sex with a person who constantly tries to make me feel ashamed/guilty over not wanting him. Would opening up the relationship help?
When anger arises in a relationship and becomes as pervasive as it has in your marriage, it causes such a gulf between the partners that getting back on track – including recovering your erotic connection – can be enormously challenging. I understand your despair, but an open relationship is not the answer. What is required is a frank and respectful expression of true feelings, and a serious attempt by both of you to solve this impasse. read more