The 62-year-old post-menopausal woman
Since 2010, my sex life has been 3D, retro and virtual. It involves Davy Jones of the Monkees, David Essex and David Cassidy, all as they were between 1971 and 1975. They arrive in my head, resplendent in flares and tank tops, gazing out through smoky, heavily lashed eyes and whispering in deep, dark tones that can only be detected by the ear of a teenage girl.
I try to arrange my fantasy schedule so they don’t arrive at once. This isn’t always possible, and I am then presented with the option of a mix-and-match experience, or making them queue. We always start with a date. The cinema, a Chinese meal or a disco. If Mum and Dad are at bingo, we stay home and indulge in a Vesta Chow Mein and Bird’s Trifle.
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