We need to take responsibilty for our mistakes in choosing our partner rather than simply justifying it to ourselves
I have been reading Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, a book about cognitive dissonance – the phenomenon that arises, with uncomfortable feelings, when two deeply held internal points of view come into conflict with one another. To avoid such feelings, we resort to self-justification.
The book contains a chapter on cognitive dissonance in marriage, which holds this process to be the main culprit in the outcome of relationships. “Misunderstandings, conflicts, personality differences and even angry quarrels are not the assassins of love – self-justification is,” the authors remark.
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